I'm sorry I didn't go to the apple picking today with the Jewish community at large. It's true that Benito was not into it, but honestly, I am the parent, and if I had planned for it to happen, it is much more likely that it would have happened. I did not plan for us to attend. The rabbi called me at 3, when we were in our driveway, Benito asleep in his seat. He asked if I was going, and if I was, if he could call on me to help him with the shofar blowing. He admits he is not good at it, and I am. It is true that if Benito had been willing to go, we would've gone, but having gotten out of the car, I no longer had the energy to get him back into the car and go. I wasn't up to convincing him, or taking him against his will. I am the parent and I get to say what goes sometimes, I know that, but the fuller truth is that I've used up all my energy. The stress I've been feeling since... Friday, maybe even Thursday, has been used up.
I've had my first day of Hebrew school, with 3 in K, 2 in grade 1, and 7 in grade 2. It's a large group to try and keep focused. There are ~3 shy/quiet kids, 3-4 who are more interruptive, 2-3 who can be egged on to excess energy, and the rest are what I would call normally talkative. There was good participation, a number of tangents, and I think a good time was had by all.
My energy is just all used up. I would have liked to go to the thing, and it was almost enough that the rabbi called me - even though I know there are other people who can play a shofar. I'm saving up the energy for later, later tonight, when I have to make dinner and think about dinner for the rest of the week, and do the next large task (either more studying for neilah or more progress on the Spain photobook). Now, I need a freakin' nap, but Benito wants to play with me, and will play by himself for a while and then come back and tug on my arm again.
I was also asked if Benito was going to be part of the pre-K Hebrew school group (I hesitate to say class), who are meeting twice monthly instead of every week. I said "Nope, not this year." If this endeavor repeats next year I will more strongly consider adding him to it. This year, not only did I not have the strength to ask Rick if he would be okay with it but I also didn't think I'd be able to handle getting him ready on Sunday mornings as well as my own self for teaching. Maybe I'm wrong and I could handle it, but again, I am too stressed right now to deal with it.
I must be doing something wrong. I do not want to be carrying this much stress. On the other hand, just because I don't see other parents exhibiting the kind of stress I am feeling doesn't mean it isn't there. It sure is. I am not doing something wrong, I am doing things right, I'm just doing a lot of things, at the same time, and I haven't gotten the knack of ... well, a lot of things, I suppose. After the fact, I wanted to respond to the rabbi when he told the kids "I'm not good at shofar blowing" with "I am, but the rabbi is good at lots of things that I'm not."
Enough writing. Time for playing.